u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
