party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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