This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize