The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
