hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
