the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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