idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
