I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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