your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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