so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
