lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
