he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
