I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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