you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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