why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
