I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
