Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
