so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
