fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
