So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
