your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
