I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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