I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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