It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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