I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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