just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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