I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
