Please, let me fuck your mom
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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