yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
