I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
