Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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