can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
