i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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