Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
