Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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