i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
