We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
false alarm. still invincible.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
