I want to make a zoo with you.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
