I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
