belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
