i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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