I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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