we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
