your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
