I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
