My first STD was from a foam party
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
