FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We have started to decorate penises.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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