why didn't you poke me back
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
