There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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