Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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