That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
