I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
