Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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