I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
