Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
