so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize