I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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