Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize