Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
