As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
