Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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