If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
