Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
