My sheets look like a crime scene.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
wow bdsm is so cute
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
