i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am available for nakedness
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
