i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
